Welcome to the end of times! Humanity has had a good ride, right? I mean if you forget centuries of enslavement of other humans, the poisoning of the planet to the point of turning Earth into one spicy meatball, and just teency-weency bit of genocide here and there, humanity has been pretty ok. At least a solid C- student.
Anyway, we are all doomed and there is no reason to have hope. COVID-19, aka the Coronavirus, is either a virus constructed by the Illuminati to thin out the weaklings from humanity or it is actually the Earth’s immune system attemping to expunge the virus that is humanity from every corner of this lonely blue rock floating in the void.
While the collapse of society is indisputably an inevitable conclusion, movies have been preparing us for this very situation for decades! These tales are all potential visions of the very near future so arm yourselves with knowledge! Use your time in isolated quarantine to learn what to expect when the confines of social practices crumble and a new world order takes over.
“Children of Men” (2005)
If this looks familiar, “Children of Men” just recently made an appearance on the Top 10 Films of the 2000s list. More importantly, this film will totally prepare you for what to expect if humanity becomes infertile and the end of intelligent life is just around the corner!
“I Am Legend” (2007)
What if you find yourself the lone survivor of our lovely contagion, which somehow turned all infected peoples into a sort of vampire-zombie? “I Am Legend” will tell you exactly what to do! First off, find yourself a dog and arm yourself. After that, just use the alternate ending to this film.
“Soylent Green” (1973)
What if all of humanity’s resources are depleted and you find yourself part of the survivors who’s oly food source is a mysterious green substance? You should probably eat it all without asking any questions. I bet it’s delicious.
“12 Monkeys” (1995)
Well, what if the virus spread to the point where humanity’s last hope is to send you back in time to stop the outbreak before it happens? Mid-90s Bruce Willis can confirm that you’ll be locked in an insane asylum, but at least you’ll get a front-row seat to witnessing Brad Pitt earning his first Oscar nomination!
“Snowpiercer” (2014)
But what if humanity can only survive on an air-tight train that circles the globe for 18 years, powered by a perpetual motion engine that is worshiped like a deity, but also installs a horrific classist society? Definitely eat everything you can without asking any questions. I bet it’s all delicious. Bong Joon Ho tells us your best bet is finding Song Kang Ho because he seems pretty chill!
“Mad Max Franchise” (1979 – 2015)
How about if the world is a giant desert and everything becomes punk rock and hardcore? You better pimp your ride IMMEDIATELY! Things are about to get wild, dangerous and a little kinky, too…
“28 Days Later…” (2002)
What if you find yourself awakening in an empty hospital after an undetermined amount of time only to find that the city you find yourself in is completely abandoned? “28 Days Later…” is the film that will walk you through what to do, especially if you’re British!
“The Book of Eli” (2010)
What if humanity’s last hope is organized religion? You can stop laughing now. I am just saying, maybe it is a possibility. If you find yourself in possession of the last known Bible and you also happen to be a nomadic badass, this film has all of your answers!
“The Ωmega Man” (1971)
How about if you find yourself in a situation similar to “I Am Legend” but you can’t digest its message unless it is presented in the most 70s way imaginable? That’s an incredibly specific situation but rest easy because “The Ωmega Man” is exactly the film needed to fill that niche! We are covering all angles here.
“Zombieland” (2008)
This one might be the most helpful yet because it quite literally has a rulebook for you to follow! Just keep away from Bill Murray and everything will be alright.
I hope you find this list useful. At the very least, use this to pass the time while everything else goes to Hell! Godspeed to you all and stay safe. I’ll see you all in a few months out on Fury Road!
Shut Up Zach! 